fuck. ugh, my fucking student loans. (off screen) don't pay your student loans. wha.. what? don't pay your student loans. do something fun with the money instead. i have to pay my student loans. why? what's really going to happen if you don't?
it'll hurt my credit score, for one. who gives a fuck about credit scores? no one cool has ever cared about their fico number. can you imagine sid vicious or maya angelou trying to get their credit above 720? well, (mockingly) "well" go to the bellagio! buy some molly! what?!
student loans are extortion people have to go to college and the only way for a lot of them to do it is by borrowing money. the student loan industry has a market of people with a gun to their head screw their business! what about my credit score?! who gives a fuck about credit scores?! there's so much bad debt in this country that
in 10 years, if people are only selling to buyers with perfect credit they're going to be selling to ghosts and memories take that money and pay someone to blow you. n-n-no! what about personal responsibility? what would my grandpa think? don't pay your student loans! grandpa? you want to talk about personal responsibility, boy-o? in 1976, the student loan industry
lobbied congress to make their debt non-dischargeable in bankruptcy. took away the one weapon in a consumer's arsenal. have another president ford. goddamn episcopalians! doesn't the bank need the money? *muffled groans and grumbles* i'm not even going to dignify that with a response. -the fucking bank, are you kidding me?-motherfucker
i'll handle this. who are you? i'm j.p. morgan. the bank is just fine. in fact since the repeal of glass-steagall interest doesn't make up half our revenue. what's that mean? interest -- that's how we make money off loans.
that's basic stuff -- why don't you know that? oh, i studied acting. you took out loans to study acting? i was following my dream. [all] this is a terrible century. guys, think of the sense of accomplishment i'll get once i finally pay them off! student loans! don't pay your student loans! i'm your unborn son!
see, even though you and your future wife decide you want kids, you realize you aren't financially stable enough to have them. so i hope that feeling of accomplishment is as good as teaching me how to share and make pancakes. oh, who do i marry? the hooker he talks you into seeing later!-dude, punk rock. she has a heart of gold!
guys, what if the bank seizes my assets? now who are you-- wait a minute, what? i'm a used mattress you bought from craigslist. ugh he's stained and he smells like someone else's cigarettes! i'm literally the nicest thing you own. am i the "asset" you're so worried about? let's go buy some pussy! finance! *group begins talking all at once*
enough! look, what we're really saying is if you pay your student loans [angel and devil at same time] you're a coward. -oh hey!-oh yeah, that's great. you and me. fine, alright, you guys are right. paying back student loans is for cowards and suckers and i'm neither one! i'm not gonna do it!
i'm gonna tell them right-- fuck! now how are you going to buy pussy?!
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